Welcoming Jack Steele Hilburn

Tuesday September 13th pre-hospital check in feelings: Terrified.
You hear so many horror stories and everyone has such a different experience, I just didn't even know what to think. There were just so many unknowns I didn't quite know how to wrap my brain around it. I had so many questions and concerns and was slightly freaking out.
Fast forward just two hours later at 2:00PM, i'm all hooked up, have my cup of ice chips, my beef broth and jello, and contractions 3 minutes apart. Now it didn't matter if I was scared or not because this baby was coming! I was dilated to a 3 and 80% effaced when my doctor came in and broke my water. My nurse told me one of her other patients that day said it was like taking a Jacuzzi....um i'm not sure what hot tub that girl had been in because I just felt like I peed myself.
I felt all of my contractions in my back so I was having a hard time figuring out what way to sit/stand in order to breath through them. I was internally battling for a while trying to decide when I should get my epidural. My doctor said I could get it when ever I wanted it. My hard core self who wanted to be strong was saying it had only been an hour and a half since we had been in the hospital so I  should hold out a little longer.
I was crying, trying to go to the bathroom, starving, and frankly a hot mess. I caved and asked Chad to go tell the nurse I was at my limit. In walked the anesthesiologist and angles were singing ha! It hurt less then my IV so I now know...don't wait just get it. They checked me after I was numb and I was at a 5! This was moving a lot faster then we anticipated.
It was a whole new ball game when I couldn't feel the lower half of my body. It was so fun just to be with Chad and anticipating the arrival of our little man. The party got even better when my best friend Johnna arrived. Johnna, Chad and I have been friends since High School so it was just like the old days being all together. We got so carried away talking to each other, and the nurses (they were so GREAT) it was 8PM before we knew it. I was feeling some pressure so I just asked them to check me just out of my own curiosity, and I was at a 10!
I was so scared about the whole pushing process, but I was so numb I knew it wasn't going to be half as bad as I had anticipated. My legs were literally like jello. I had to have Chad pick up one leg and my nurse pick up another and move them into pushing position. We did a few practice pushes which turned into actually pushing and before I knew it in walked my doctor. He is literally one of my favorite people. I wish I could just have him as a personal doctor for all of our other children where ever they are born, i'm sure he would love being stuck with me forever!
It was the most surreal experiences sitting there laughing and having the best time as I pushed our child into the world. It was all too good to be true, and then it got even better when everyone was yelling "he's coming!!" one more push and he was out! They placed the sweetest little person on my chest, he was so cute and tiny and he was OURS! Chad cut the cord, and they took him over to get all washed off while I got stitched up. It felt like a dream sitting there watching Chad hold him, Johnna taking pictures, and realizing that our whole world had just changed.
Chad walked over and put him in my arms and I lost it. With Chad sitting next to me and this sweet baby in my arms my whole world was complete.
It truly was the most amazing experience and a day we will cherish forever.
We love you forever our little 7 pound 4 ounce 21 inch long
Jack Steele Hilburn 

BUMPDATE:38.5 weeks

How Far Along? 
38.5 weeks, any day now little guy

 Weight Gain?
I haven't looked at the scale my last two appointments because I don't want to be fixed on a number. By the looks of myself I've got to be in the high 20's!

Maternity Clothes? 
I wear the same four maternity shirts from Old Navy or two of my regular flowy shirts with stretchy skirts or leggings every day. Talk about getting sick of a wardrobe. 

 Sleep?
I sleep, but wake up at least three times a night to pee or because he is in my ribs. Note to self: next time buy a body pillow! 

Best moment this week? 
We got to spend the weekend with our friends Sam and Gabby and their little girl Charlie. Talk about a good weekend! 

Weird pregnancy moment?
This kid's head is on a nerve so I get the sharpest pain on the inside of my thighs. It only lasts a second but I always grab my legs because it hurts so bad, and every time it looks like i'm holding myself because I have to pee. So that's always a sight to see when we are in public! 

 Movement?
ALL.THE.TIME

Gender: BOY

Food Cravings?
Ice cream and Reeses. I want them every day. Probably why I have stopped looking at the scale. 

Morning Sickness?
Gonzo. 

Symptoms?
Is being terrified to push a child out a symptom, because if it is that's my one and only! 

Looking forward to?
Having this little guy in our arms. If I think about labor and birth too much I freak out and cry, so I try not to and just think about the moment we get to hold him! 

Loving what matters

 I really have loved being pregnant; it has been one of my favorite experiences. It is so unreal to feel this little guy go from a flutter in my stomach, to an actual person and feeling his whole body move inside of me. I have never been more thankful, or in awe of the human body and the perfect way it was created. 

I also didn't realize how selfish I was before this little guy decided to grow. Time was mine, Chad was mine, and my body was mine. But those things aren't the same any more, and they will continue to change even more once he is actually here. I find myself appreciating my time more, appreciating Chad more, and appreciating the gift my body is.

However, I don't appreciate the way my body looks. I find myself spending more time being critical of my appearance and wanting to cover up all of the curves i'm not used to. Selfishly I just want my pre-pregnant body back. I want time to just fast forward and snap back to my pre-pregnant self. I know that's not realistic, but hey I can wish.

 I have to learn to love myself regardless of my appearance. Numbers on a scale don't matter, and my clothes don't matter. My character matters, the words I speak matter, my marriage matters, my friends matter, my family matters, and what Chad and I teach this little guy matters! 

I still have a way to go, but i'm trying. I'm trying to see what matters in myself and in other people. It doesn't come easy, it doesn't come over night, and it takes a conscious effort. 

With time I know it will get easier, and it can become a part of me, and more importantly a part of our family. 

And I hope as we do this we can be... 

Positively Contagious 

BUMPDATE: 30 weeks

How Far Along? 
30 weeks, only 10 left to go!

 Weight Gain?
11 lbs, moving on up! 

Maternity Clothes? 
If I wear a skirt and shirt then I wear a maternity top, but most of the time I just wear my stretchy dresses I have from before this bump. 

 Sleep?
I have been sleeping like a rock these days. Probably because we have been going, going, going this last week so my body is catching up!

Best moment this week? 
Spending time with Chad, family, and friends in Canada and Yellowstone

Weird pregnancy moment?
Feeling like I have to pee 24-7. Home boy's head is right on my bladder so sometimes I feel like i'm going to pee my pants even though I don't actually have to pee. It's the weirdest feeling, ha!

 Movement?
ALL.THE.TIME

Gender: BOY

Food Cravings?
I haven't really had any specific cravings lately. I just feel like I want fruit and salad all the time... and sandwiches. Healthy stuff just sounds better these days in comparison to the time before now where I just wanted everything bad for you. 

Morning Sickness?
It actually came back randomly this week in the afternoon it was the weirdest thing. It just comes and goes in waves...go figure. 

Symptoms?
I have been feeling great this last month! I'm not uncomfortable yet which is nice. Home boy's feet are right under my ribs though so sometimes he gets a good kick!

Looking forward to?
This baby finally being here! I have had so many dreams lately that i'm in the hospital/in labor and as terrified as I am of that day i'm SO excited to meet this little guy!

Adventuring

 It has been a week of go, go, go for us! Chad hasn't had a day off since we got back in April; it has been school and work non stop. So this week we were able to finally have some time together and it was a blast. 

Our first stop this week was Canada for the 4th of July and Canada day. It was so fun to spend time with family and show Chad around my family's stomping grounds. Waterton, Canada will always have a special place in my heart. 

When we got back we had a two day work week and went straight into another adventure with our favorite friends, the Asay's. We headed up to Island Park to stay at Lauren's family cabin and took a little trip to Yellowstone. This place is unreal; we even saw a black bear run across the street. Of course Chad and Preston got out of the car to see if they could get a better look, ending up back in the car with no luck and elevated heart rates. It is always a good time when we are with these three. 

 This week I have learned how important it is to appreciate time, and how the little moments make the best memories. I have totally taken time for granted and have realized how important it truly is. Baby Hilburn only has 10 weeks left before he makes his appearance and I really want to soak up all  the time we have left with just the two of us. 

I hope we can all slow down just a little bit and really appreciate the time we have to spend with those we love most.  

 By doing so we can all find a way to be...

Positively Contagious 

BUMPDATE: 6 months

(Check out Very Jane for THE BEST dresses: Linked in picture)

How Far Along? 
25 weeks, a whole 6 months down!

 Weight Gain?
I actually have no idea and at this point and I don't exactly care. I figure i'm growing a human so bring it on...or at least some days I feel like that ha! 

Maternity Clothes? 
I can't button my pants, so i'm sure I should be wearing them but i'm just sticking to dresses and skirts these days. 

 Sleep?
It really depends on the night. Some nights I sleep like a baby and other nights I wake up a million times. The most common theme is that I feel like I can never get enough sleep no matter what.

Best moment this week? 
I popped! My stomach it is now a round little belly of baby. 

Weird pregnancy moment?
Friday night last week I had the worst pain on my right hand side of my stomach and in my back. I was SO nervous after 45 minutes of pain, and then I started peeing blood...to the hospital we went! Friday night date night with burgers and fries in the ER passing kidney stones...that was one to remember! 

 Movement?
YES. He's a mover and a shaker! 

Gender: BOY

Food Cravings?
Salt and vinegar chips on the daily. Also a snack  my mom used to make me when I was younger was Ritz crackers, cream cheese and salami. I know, sounds nasty but I literally eat them every day. Also french fries...maybe it's the salt in all of these things! 

Morning Sickness?
Gonzo, and i'm so thankful! 

Symptoms?
Ligament pain is still there and is off and on. When it hurts, it hurts, but when it doesn't I don't have much to complain about! 

Looking forward to?
Next thursday when Chad has the day off and we can go on a date. I love Thursdays! 

Just DO IT

A lot of the time we don't know where life is going to take us. It can be confusing, frustrating, overwhelming, stressful, unpredictable, and sometimes simply put it's just hard. We have people to please, expectations to be met, jobs to do, and work to be done.

What would happen if we just hit pause, and took a moment to...dream. What would happen if we didn't worry about what other people thought of us, what mistakes we could possibly make, and what terrible things could potentially happen in the future?
Do you think our perspective would change? Do you think we would enjoy life more fully?
I never knew a small five letter word could mean so much. It gives you hope, gives you perspective, and helps you see that life is what you make it.
Surround yourself with true friends, be honest with yourself and with those around you, lean on and love your family, and no matter what, don't forget to chase your dreams.
What ever they may be, as you do this, you can become...

Positively Contagious 

BUMPDATE: 20 Weeks

How Far Along? 
20 weeks...how are we already half way done?! 

 Weight Gain?
5 lbs, I feel like it's a lot more though, I swear every time I look in the mirror some part of my body is bigger than usual! 

Maternity Clothes? No, but my desire to wear pants is ZERO. 

 Sleep?
Not so much lately, I have stopped taking the beloved Unisom because I feel like I have been hit by a train the next morning. I think my record was waking up six times during the night. 

Best moment this week? 
Chad and I both felt baby boy move! When ever I lie down to go to bed, he just wants to stay up and party and this week Chad felt it too. It was so crazy, I think it kind of freaked Chad out, ha! 

Weird pregnancy moment?
I had three contractions Sunday, it really scared me because I felt like it was really early. Turns out it was fine and i'm not drinking enough water...oops.

 Movement?
YES. It's not consistent but he's in there! 

Gender: BOY

Food Cravings?
I'm finally back to my normal eating habits. Up until now salad has made me gag and fruit makes me feel SO sick!  Thankfully now all I want is a big old Caesar salad, strawberries with honey, and...diet coke! 

Morning Sickness?
It is finally going away, hallelujah! If I stay up to late without eating then I feel a little queasy, and if I forget to eat....shocker.

Symptoms?
I have the WORST round ligament pain. I was pretty paranoid earlier this week and thought something was wrong, but I was assured it's normal...can't decide how I feel about that. 

Looking forward to?
A best friend date this weekend! The corn dog stand just opened this week and I am dying to go get one loaded with mustard....not embarrassed. 

The road to Baby Hilburn

I've always dreamed about what I would be when I grew up. I thought about being a professional tennis player, a nurse, a marriage and family therapist, but none of those ideas ever seemed to stick around. But one did, in some way or another my thoughts always seemed to end up in the same place...I want to be a mom. 

Meeting Chad in high school helped solidify that dream. We both grew up with strong family values. No matter what went on in the world around us, we knew that we could rely on our families, and our faith. I eventually came to the conclusion: No matter the timing or how complicated our story would be, I wanted Chad to be my husband, and to have a family with him. Through years of friendship, a love grew, we got married, and my dreams combined with his when we found out we were pregnant! 

It was not an easy road. There were many tears, moments of frustration, moments of fear, months of failed pregnancy tests, and times I literally wanted to give up. 

One day in December, for old time sake, I decided to take a test. I'm not sure why I decided to take it.  To be honest, we hadn't technically been trying the previous month; I just felt like I needed to give my body an emotional break. Into the bathroom I went anticipating I would yet again be in tears leaving the bathroom with a negative test. I didn't look at it until I felt like I could emotionally handle the heart break. To my surprise it was positive! I thought the test was wrong, there was no way this could happen (our "Party of Three" post has more details).  The few days following that positive test, we didn't talk about it much. I think we were both in shock and letting it all sink in. 

Even though the test was positive, it didn't really sink in until....morning sickness. However, I had night time sickness. I didn't know that was a thing until 5:00pm hit and I was throwing up until I went to bed. So future reference for those planning to get pregnant you have the lovely chance of getting morning or night time sickness. Also, a lot of people say it goes away after your first trimester...I'm 17.5 weeks and I still wake up every once in a while in the middle of the night and throw up. I would just prepare for it being around a while, that way you can be pleasantly surprised when it does finally goes away.  As weird as it sounds, it has actually been really nice to be sick. It was a reminder that this little babe was growing, that the female body is created perfectly, and life truly is a miracle.

These last few weeks I have noticed the most changes with my body. My skin suddenly loves to create zits, I am so tired I can't sleep enough, I run out of energy doing the most simple things, my patience has just disappeared, and I swear my tear ducts are broken which is not a normal thing. I have also been feeling the baby move. It is very subtle, but I always feel him when i'm sitting down. It is the smallest little flutter, but so comforting to know he is having a party in there. I can't until he is big enough when Chad can actually feel him move.

Until now I always had a dream of being a mom. Now that i'm pregnant, it is a reality. In six short months Chad and I will be parents to a little baby boy. It has been, and continues to be such a humbling experience. As he grows, I can't help but think what life will be like when he is finally here. I wonder what kind of a mom I will be. I wonder if I will be what he needs. I wonder if I can teach him in a loving way just right for his little personality. I wonder if I will be a "good mom". I can sit here and question my abilities all day long. Sometimes it scares me, but ultimately I know Chad will be the perfect dad for him, and I will be the perfect mom for him. We are not perfect people by any means, but we have been blessed with this sweet little boy for a reason. All three of us will learn, grow, and become the best family we know how to be. 

It has been such a journey to get to where we are now, but we would not change a thing. 

I hope because of this journey and sharing our story we have found some way to be...

Positively Contagious 

BUMPDATE: 17 weeks

How Far Along? 
17 weeks 

 Weight Gain?
2 big ones. (Guilty...I totally pushed it out in this picture to make it look pregnant instead of fat)

Maternity Clothes? No, but my tight clothes days are over.

 Sleep?
YES, thank goodness. I'm taking advantage of this since I know the day will come when I don't get any.

Best moment this week? 
Moving back to Idaho! It's so nice to be back in our little apartment, and getting back to our little family routine.

Weird pregnancy moment?
Not really weird, but I forgot to eat a couple times this week and then it hits me, and I need food STAT.

 Movement?
YES. It's the weirdest thing. It literally feels like a little twitch every once in a while. Its mostly on my right side, and when I sit down. Poor guy is trying to get comfortable.

Gender: BOY

Food Cravings?
Mucho Mango Arizona juice is my go to, and the same old turkey sandwich. 

Morning Sickness?
As long as I remember to eat I can keep it under control. It is still worse at night and I have to fall asleep before it hits or else I throw up....not my favorite. 

Symptoms?
My patience seems to be going some where....and I would really like it to come back. 

Looking forward to?
My next doctors appointment in two short weeks, I just can't wait to see how big he is getting! 

A Book for Thought

 These days little baby Hilburn consumes most of my thoughts. I wonder who he will look like, what his little personality will be like, what he will like to do as he grows out of the eat,poop,sleep,cry phase. All day I think about this little person growing inside me. Most of my thoughts stem from memories from my own childhood. Life has gone by so fast, yet I still have distinct memories of my childhood like they were yesterday.

 I can remember going to the library every single week, without fail, and checking out piles of books. I would get read to before naps, after naps, during the day, and as I fell asleep at night. I loved books, I can remember being so calm, and feeling so loved as I was wrapped up in someones arms being read to. I know now that what I felt was a sense of security and a sense of peace in my child-like world.

I want little baby Hilburn to grow up with a love for books just like I did, to get lost in a story, and to dream his own story. I came across this company Bookroo, and fell in love. They send you the cutest little box of books each month. You pick your child's age, select the type of books you prefer, how often you want to receive books in the mail, and... done! Two books a month at an affordable price.

The world we live in has become so consumed in technology, that we may sometimes forget the importance of books. They can be such a powerful tool to teach these little ones. I can not wait to snuggle little baby Hilburn, pull out his favorite book and see the excitement/joy on that little face. I hope as I continue to think and dream about the life little baby Hilburn will have, that I always remember the importance of a good book. 

 And of course the importance of being...

Positively Contagious

BUMPDATE:15 Weeks

How Far Along? 
15 weeks

 Weight Gain?
A big goose egg.

Maternity Clothes? Nada. Luckily I wear clothes that are pretty flowy so I can still hide it pretty well! 

 Sleep?
Thankfully yes, this girl needs her sleep! I get really sick at night (I thought it was called morning sickness) and I take a sleep aid with a B-Vitimin that helps with the nauseousness the next day so that has been a life saver in the sleep department.  

Best moment this week? 
Spending a week in Hawaii with family and coming home to find out the this little babe is a BOY.

Weird pregnancy moment?
I have pretty crazy dreams these days. I had a dream that Chad changed races and we had a half black baby. I was so mad because I wanted the baby to have blonde hair....

 Movement?
Not yet. He was moving like crazy on the ultrasound but I couldn't feel a thing.

Gender: BOY

Food Cravings?
Bagels and cream cheese, Alfredo, and key lime Greek yogurt. Seriously, these things usually send me to the toilet for hours. Turns out being pregnant makes you constipated, so these days I can eat things I usually can't.

Morning Sickness?
 How about Night sickness it's...manageable during the day since I can stuff my face with food but as soon as 5:00pm hits...i'm a goner.

Symptoms?
 SO tired, Diet Coke continues to be my best friend

Looking forward to?
 Getting our little family moved back into our apartment in Idaho, one more week! 

Party of three!

SURPRISE, the Hilburn family will be growing by one this September! We are so excited, nervous, anxious, and shocked all at the same time. Here's the story...I don't have a very normal body...it never has a period or if it does it's once in a blue moon. Also, it hates all types of birth control (tried and failed pills, IUD's you name it).You would think with this combination we would have been pregnant soon after we got married but, after a year with that little irregular period of mine and a couple of doctors visits we thought I would probably need to be put on Clomid (to help ovulation). With our plan of living in California for the winter, we figured April would be prime time since we'd be back with my doctors, and in our own place in Rexburg. Well...turns out our plan was not very accurate and we experienced one heck of a miracle.

 I was sitting in our room one afternoon studying for a test i'm trying to pass and I thought i'll go take a pregnancy test...go figure...anything to avoid studying I guess. Thanks to my once in a blue moon period I knew about what day I would start if my body decided to function properly that month. I honestly was just taking it to get it out of the bathroom and out of my head. With so many failed tests I didn't know why I was doing this to myself again, but i'm sure glad I did because it was POSITIVE. I was literally in shock. I had never seen a positive test before so I didn't really know what to do. I just stared at it waiting for the line to go away and have it be negative like I thought it was supposed to. I just cried and cried (happy tears of course) to get my body to stop shaking I did a couple laps around the bathroom, looked at the test again, and did a few more laps. Chad came home from work a few minutes after I stopped crying. I was still bright red and splotchy from crying haha. He asked what was wrong and I told him to go look at the new toothpaste I got him in the bathroom (toothpaste, really?) but hey, he went in, and walked out with the test. He was shocked to say the least. It took us a while to get used to the fact this was really happening and by a while, I mean it is still a shock sometimes. It truly is a miracle and we are so thankful we have been blessed with the privilege to raise a child.

(A sepcial thanks to Love too Design for the handmade sign) 

It is so crazy to think that in just six short months we are going to have a little human as the center of our world. I know we can't even begin to anticipate the changes that will happen, but we are so excited to begin this new adventure. Our lives will never be the same, but it will be so much better. Before this party of two becomes three I hope we can always find time to be...

Positively Contagious

On the Asay's Orchard

 Life can get so busy, and sometimes you just need a little sunshine, and a break from reality. So....Bakersfield it was this weekend! Chad's best friend Preston and his cute family (wife Lauren and son Louie) live on an almond orchard, so we decided to experience the beauty first hand. 

Spring is hands down my favorite season because of all of the blossoms on the trees, and Bakersfield is blossom heaven! 

We packed everything we could into our two days down there. Including another one of my personal favorites, a trip to the beach. We love California for so many reasons, but going to the beach mid February is definitely at the top of the list. Lauren and I just took pictures of this cute Louie babe all day while the boys threw a frisbee and golfed their hearts out.  It was a perfect day ending with some fresh clam chowder and fish and chips. 

We finished off the weekend with a Farmer's market, and let me tell you, I don't think you can beat this one. The fresh fruit was to die for...and they were pretty generous with the samples...which we didn't complain about. It was short, but it was the best weekend. It was filled with great food, amazing friends, fun memories, and hopefully some new traditions.

(we think he should be a baby model)

Living at home we have come to realize how important it is to have good friends, and even more importantly, how to be a good friend. Consistency is key in relationships. No matter the circumstance, be there for those you love, be supportive, lend a helping hand, and a listening ear. The relationships we create can last forever if we cherish them. 

No matter what the circumstance, I hope we can all find time to be a friend to someone who needs it 

and in doing so you'll be...

Positively Contagious

A new Beginning

Christmas and New Years have come and gone and I feel like I didn't even blink. This Holiday season was filled with family, food, friends, skiing, more food, movies, games, pictures, shopping, and a wonderful trip to the Sacramento LDS temple. It was so fun to be home and enjoy doing things we love with the people we love most. 

As I look back on this year I can't believe how much we have done and how much we have grown. I can only speak for myself when I say, I have done A LOT of growing.

 Setting goals has always been kind of daunting because I feel like I make them....and that's about as far as I get. This year as part of my goals, I plan to look at them often so I can be constantly reminded of the ways I am trying to grow and improve. 

1. Type and print out my goals and put them in a place where I can see them...so I actually accomplish them. 

2. Be more patient with the people I love: think before reacting

3. Find a hobby/further develop the things I enjoy so they become a hobby: sewing, photography, blogging 

4. Run a half marathon in under two hours. I ran one on Thanksgiving and got 2:05, I was so close but yet so far! 

5. Read my scriptures every day. I am the worst scripture reader so it's only up from where I am at. 

6. For every one negative thing I say I have to say two positive things: regarding people, situations etc. 

7. Pass the Praxis test: If I can pass it will be a whole new world for the Hilburn family! 

8. Find joy in the little things: I get so stuck in things I "have to do" instead of remembering I get to choose what I do every day and how I respond to situations

9. Be more service oriented: Look for ways every day to go outside myself and serve others. Even something little like holding the door open can change someones day 

10.  Be the best version of myself: I find that I compare myself often to people around me (especially on social media)  I want to be the best version of myself instead of the best version of "so and so" 

I am so excited for this new year. A new start brings new perspective, desires, faith, experiences, growth, love, and dreams. I can't wait to see what 2016 has in store for us. 

And as always, I hope this year we can always find ways to be...

Positively Contagious 

Merry & Bright

It's almost Christmas which means...picture time! One day we will send out Christmas cards, but I feel like people got a card with our faces just over a year ago so we'll give them a little break. Chad is such a trooper putting up with me and my picture obsession. Sadly...thinking of a pose is the toughest part of taking pictures. So note to future self, look some up before you go! 

I hope this year we can all take a moment and remember the true meaning of Christmas. This is the time we celebrate the Savior, His birth, the mortal life He lived, and the knowledge that He lives. This season is the perfect time to love more, give more, be more thankful, and truly act as a disciple of Christ. With all of the chaos in the world around us, I hope we can remember He lives, He loves us, and is watching over all of us. (want to know more?)

With this spirit of Christmas, I hope we can all find a way this Holiday season to be...

Positively Contagious 

Better Days to Come

Joy is such a simple word yet I have found it hard to comprehend lately. For one, if you turn on the news...joy flies straight out the window. If you were to look outside my window at the grey cold sky...not so joyful. If I compare my weakness to others strengths...no joy.

 If I compare my trials to others successes...ZERO joy. 

For the last year I have been working towards something and it has been a lot harder than I anticipated. It has been emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. Day after day it hangs over my head, and I feel like I will never see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Until yesterday, after some serious tears, and long conversations, I found some light.

I am finally in a place where I can move forward. I let go of my stubbornness (at least for now) and can start moving in a positive direction. I have been so focused on changing my situation instead of accepting it, learning from it, and making the best of it. 

As Chad would say, I've been storing a lot of lemons and it's about time I start making some lemonade. It has been a humbling experience, and I have learned a lot. It may have been self inflicted sorrow, but I am so thankful for the joy that comes after a challenging situation. 

With this new perspective I hope I can find ways to be...

Positively Contagious 

Fake Parents

We got to play parents this week and put simply, it was heaven. It was a much needed break from our reality...and Rexburg. It's so crazy to me how a three hour drive can allow to you to experience a whole new world. There are mountains, good places to eat, traffic on an actual freeway, new homes being built that are fun to look at, and shopping (my favorite)

 I think we got the better end of the deal. Since they aren't our kids we had permission to spoil them which included: In and Out, Chik- fil-A milkshakes, Maverik runs for candy, donughts, movies, you name it, we probably did it.

Chad made fun of me because he said I would blog about the week and say how I couldn't wait for him to be a dad...well Chad... here it is. It was so cute to see these kids just stick to him like glue, I literally got demoted (trying not to be bitter). These little kids taught us so much this week and gave us a lot to look forward to. 

This week reminded me why this stage in our life is so important. It is the effort we put into our lives now that creates the path for our future. Sometimes it feels like this phase of our lives is never going to end, but this week helped me to see that it will. There are going to be phases in life that seem longer than others. It is the little moments in those phases that help us create our happiness. We have so much to look forward to and so much to be thankful for. 

I hope during our journey to the future we can find some ways to be...

Positively Contagious