FALLing upward

I don't know what the deal is, but I have been having meltdowns way too often this month. Call me a toddler because that's who has meltdowns, but i'm here to tell you a twenty-four year old can have them too. Maybe breakdown is a better word, let's go with breakdown. 

I don't know how to express my thoughts 99% of the time so blogging and writing tend to be my best outlet. The other night after some serious tears I decided to pull out my journal and write. I didn't even have a purpose, but after some time my thoughts came full circle and I found the root of my problem: Negativity. 

I re-read what I wrote and I was shocked. Every feeling I had from inadequacy to fear, with some in between, had a negative connotation.  

How in the world am I supposed to be happy when I am living in a brain of negative mush?! 

Well I can't so I came up with a solution: Positivity 

I live in a beautiful area, I have a loving husband (who willingly takes pictures with me), I have a family who loves me, Chad and I are both healthy, I get to run every day, we have a full fridge, a warm apartment to come home to, friends, & Maverik is down the street which means a Diet Coke pick me up is less then 2 minutes away, I have everything to be happy about. 

 I have realized these moments of sadness and inadequacy have brought me back to what truly matters. I have been forced to my knees to ask for help, and in doing so I have seen the comfort and love (read this talk) that comes from looking upward in hope instead of downward in defeat. 

This life is a blessing and I intend to start living it that way. 

 And as I do I hope in someway I can be...

Positively Contagious 

One year Older

I can not believe that I have been alive for TWENTY-FOUR years, HOW is that possible?! Luckily Chad had surprises up his sleeve that helped me feel not so old. He literally spoiled me all day. 

Feeling extra loved (flowers, candy, a book, a nice card, and the cutest necklace) + Feeling appreciated (not having to cook, a clean house, being picked up from work with a Diet Coke, and friends that love me enough to eat cake with me)

= Perfect Birthday.

 I want the big two-four to be different then any other year. I want to use all of the wisdom I have gained over my long life (ha!) and make this a year to remember. 

1. Stop taking things so seriously. A lot of what happens in life is not life or death; I would have a lot more fun if I stopped treating it like it was. 

2. Enjoy the little things. Be happy in the moment I am living instead of dreaming of the future. 

3. Make goals. New Years resolutions are great, but if I can't remember them I should probably make weekly goals....

4. Become a better cook. I rely on the crock pot a little too much...oops. Maybe a new recipe a week, and shoot i'll even post it on here...if it's good. 

5. Make mistakes. Perfection is not possible, so i'm going to stop holding myself to an unrealistic expectation. 

6. Don't be easily offended. Easier said then done I know, but maybe if I think instead of react things might go over a little better.

7. Love more. Everyone is fighting a hard battle, treat them that way. 

8. Drink more Diet coke and eat as much candy as I want...without feeling guilty. Life is meant to be enjoyed...enough said. 

9. Run three half marathons. If number eight is going to happen then this should happen too. Starting with my first one Thanksgiving Day! 

10. Find the positive in every situation. Chad got me a sign for my birthday that says "Nobody ever injured their eye sight by looking at the bright side." it's now hanging above our toilet so I have a daily reminder. 

This is the year. The year dreams become reality, the year I don't apologize for taking pictures, the year I don't miss an opportunity to laugh instead of cry, the year I embrace every opportunity

 and the year I try my hardest to be...

Positively Contagious 

A Road less Traveled

This is about to get personal...

Preface: I am currently training for a half marathon so I have a lot of time to think on my runs. Saturday is my long day, and today was a 6 mile day. I had my route all planned out, and was actually looking forward to today's run. Half way through my run I saw this trail. I had heard about it, and knew that if I took the trail back I would probably be close to my 6 mile mark. Yet, I stuck to my planned out trail so I knew exactly how far I was going to run. As I continued to run home I almost broke into tears.Why you might be wondering... or maybe not, I was running(which could cause tears for some and myself a year ago) but it wasn't the running, it was that dang trail!

 Here's the personal part: I have really been struggling lately with my roll... let me explain. I know I am a daughter of God, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, etc. but inside the only role I long to fill is the role of a Mother. I always thought after I graduated I would be a mom. I wouldn't be going to school anymore, so naturally, if I was married, we would have kids. Well, I did get married, but kids haven't exactly been next on that check list. Just like life, you have to do the hard stuff first (get a better job, chad graduating) before you get the reward (mini Hilburns)

I struggle with it a lot, I ask why, I get frustrated, I cry, feel bad for myself, and then cry some more. (Poor Chad, he didn't quite know what he was getting into in this department.) Back to my route this morning, when I saw that trail I thought about my current situation. I had a route, but there was another perfectly good route right next to me. I could have taken it, it would have led me to the exact same spot, but it was unfamiliar. 

I panicked, and chose to stay on the path I knew. The path I wanted to be on. The path that I had planned.  

 So, yes I want to be a Mother more then words can explain, but what if that isn't the path right now? What if the path I am being led down teaches me to pray more, have more faith, and work harder which leads to a greater perspective, more compassion, and a greater understanding of sacrifice.

 That is the path that will teach me to be a better wife, and ultimately a better mother. It may not be the path that I want to take, but I know that it is the path I need to be on right now. Some days I enjoy it more then others, but I know I have much more to learn. And no matter what path I take I know I don't have to do it alone.

I have a loving husband, a best friend, a constant support system, and permanent shoulder to cry on.

I hope no matter where we end up, or how many children we add a long the way we can always find a way to be...

Positively Contagious

The BEST Caramel Apples you will ever have: 

3-4 large Granny Smith Apples 

1 pkg of white chocolate chips 

1 bag Kraft caramel bites 

1/4 cup brown sugar 

1/4 cup white sugar 

1/2 tsp cinnamon 

In separate bowls: melt chocolate, and caramel as directed on package. 

Mix brown sugar, sugar, and cinnamon in a bowl.

Dip apples in caramel and place on a cookie sheet/wax paper. Let the caramel apples set until cool. Once they are set, dip the now, caramel covered apples in white chocolate. (I used a knife to smooth the chocolate out so they didn't look hideous). Immediately dip them in the sugar mixture. Rotate until completely covered. 

Mine looked ugly so I only did it on one, but if you have some creative-ness left, drizzle caramel/white chocolate in pretty designs on top of the dipped apples. 

Enjoy! (try not to go into a food coma)

Apple of my Eye

My favorite month is finally here, which means our favorite tradition is back...apple picking!  If you haven't been, I strongly suggest you go. Free testers, all of the apples you can think of, and of course the best part, apple crisp (recipe below). Being back in Rexburg definitely has its perks! 

As you can tell we take this job very seriously. 

 I have learned a lot this last month about what is most important. People let you down, treat you poorly, and life takes you in a direction you weren't expecting. Yet, in the process you gain perspective, love more, and appreciate people who truly love you. 

Nights like these make the ups and downs of life much easier. Sometimes life throws you apples and you have no other choice but to make apple juice...or in our case apple crisp. 

And in the process be...

Positively Contagious 

Topping:

1/2 cup melted butter

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/3 cup sugar

1/2 cup flour

3/4 cup oatmeal

1 tsp cinnamon

Apple filling:

6 apples

Lemon juice to taste (so the apples don't turn brown)

2/3 cup brown sugar

3 T flour

1 ¼ tsp cinnamon

1 tsp vanilla

Pinch of salt

Combine apple filling ingredients in bowl. 

In a separate bowl combine topping ingredients. Mix together with a fork. 

In a 9x13 pan pour in apple mixture followed by topping mixture. Bake at 350 for 25-35 minutes.  

Enjoy! 

Saved the Best for Last

It's hard to believe high school brought us together and now we are all grown up, married, and kids are the next step on the list. It's like time never passes when we get together. Friendships like that don't happen very often, but i'm sure thankful we have one. Another bonus, getting to be an aunt to little munchkins...I will never give up that role. One and a half...and counting!  

(I mean I could just eat him up)

It almost doesn't seem real that we are all married now. It was so fun to celebrate with Johnna and spend the whole day getting excited about the big day. I wish I could say I had the confidence to get on the pole...but sadly that's not the case. However, I was thoroughly entertained the whole time, if only everyone could experience a lesson from Jen (a 40 year old in rather short spandex). I feel like those lessons should be taught by a younger generation, but then again it wouldn't have been the same experience. 

Johnna brought it back to where it all started. Four years ago this is where the weddings began, and it came to a close here too. It's hard to believe where we once were, and where we are now. I'm so thankful for all of the memories we have had together and what 12 years of friendships can create. She really was the most beautiful bride. 

It was a great way to end our summer in California. It was the best to spend time with the people we love the most. We sure will miss the sunshine, but the memories we created this summer will last a lot longer then our tans as we head back to Rexburg. 

It has been a summer to remember full of the people we love most 

who always found a way to be...

Positively Contagious 

Year ONE!

How has it already been a year?! It has been the most rewarding year being married to this man. I have learned so much about sacrifice, service, selflessness, exceeding expectations, and the true meaning of love. I can not believe how much I have learned over this last year. The most important thing Chad has taught me is to look for the positive. He is always the one to find the silver lining in every situation. No matter life throws at us, there is always something that we can learn.

I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful husband. This next year is going to be even better then the first. Here's to more adventures, snow cone runs, golf ball hits, drive in movies, dinners together, late night pillow talks, camping adventures, fish catching, tin foil dinners, and another year of new memories.

 I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. No matter where we are, or what life has in store 

I hope that together we can be...

Positively Contagious 

A Wedding Tradition

This summer has literally been the besssstttttt. Thanks to our lovely schedules we have had a blissful five week break from reality and two more to come. We have spent three of those weeks at the beach in Southern California and two back in our home town in Northern California. At this point the only thing I miss about Idaho  is…..well let's just say I could stay here for a lot longer. (wink wink Chad)

The best part of our break was getting to add another member to the Hilburn crew! It was so fun to be with family and friends to celebrate Josh and Jayme at the Newport temple.  It's been a year since Chad and I were sealed, so being able to experience that with Josh and Jayme was really special. 

Chad's best friend Cody 

(They are probably the cutest couple you will ever meet so don't try and compete)

Before Chad and I even liked each other Kristen and I were friends, so marrying into their family was a dream come true. But, what's even better then having one sister…TWO. I never thought the day would come where I could have sisters. Kristen and I are beyond thrilled to have another friend in the family. She fits right in, and even has blonde hair so thats a bonus.  

Kristen and Ben better find themselves a blonde too or else we could have a slight problem. 

(The girl cousins) 

Weddings are probably one of my favorite things. It is so fun to see two people in love and start their life together. Selfishly, we get to be all mushy gushy too and... there is no excuse not to whip out the camera. Seeing a family grow,being able to spend quality time together, and create lasting memories is what this summer has been about. I'm not quite ready for it to end, but before we go back to Idaho

 I hope that we can find a way to be…

Positively Contagious