I think I have been living in some sort of false sense of reality. I knew I would be graduating from BYU-Idaho in April 2015 for quite some time now. However, the morning of actual graduation I woke up in tears....literally.....had some sort of panic attack and cried because I was graduating. I know it's a happy time and a lot to be proud of yet, I was still in the "what am I thinking" phase of graduation. I now have to do real life instead of being a student.....
Really though, I have had a purpose the last four plus years. I am a student. I go to school, I do homework, projects, tests, lots of hated group work, basically what ever my teachers tell me. But NOW...uh...I have to think for myself and decide what I actually want to do. I don't have the word "student" define me anymore. Last night they referred to us as "Alumni". In the blink of an eye I was in a whole other category of college, a graduate.
It still blows my mind that I will no longer be learning in a classroom setting. Actually, that's false. My new job is at an elementary school so technically i'm just going back to the basics in my education. It's up to me now what I learn. I can read the books I want to, continue to grow and learn in my own way instead of by textbook. Even though my learning is technically over, it really has just started. My education has given me a foundation to build on. It has helped me in ways that i'm not even aware of yet.
If I were to introduce the Courtney four years ago to the Courtney now I don't think they would recognize each other. My time here at school along with life experiences has completely changed who I am. Im so thankful for family and friends who help me remember that I am still the same person, just with a better half now. The love, support, words of encouragement, and listening ears they have provided have made all the difference in the world.
I woke up a wreck and went to bed last night feeling like I could do anything (and that doesn't happen often). Yesterday I was reminded that no matter what I decide to do in life the most important thing is to make a difference. Leave people better then I found them. Leave a work environment better then when I got there. But most importantly, enjoy the process of it all.
Thankfully I live with an eternal optimist so I will have help. But now more then ever I am determined that where ever I go, what ever I do, who ever I see, I will be...