I've always dreamed about what I would be when I grew up. I thought about being a professional tennis player, a nurse, a marriage and family therapist, but none of those ideas ever seemed to stick around. But one did, in some way or another my thoughts always seemed to end up in the same place...I want to be a mom.
Meeting Chad in high school helped solidify that dream. We both grew up with strong family values. No matter what went on in the world around us, we knew that we could rely on our families, and our faith. I eventually came to the conclusion: No matter the timing or how complicated our story would be, I wanted Chad to be my husband, and to have a family with him. Through years of friendship, a love grew, we got married, and my dreams combined with his when we found out we were pregnant!
It was not an easy road. There were many tears, moments of frustration, moments of fear, months of failed pregnancy tests, and times I literally wanted to give up.
One day in December, for old time sake, I decided to take a test. I'm not sure why I decided to take it. To be honest, we hadn't technically been trying the previous month; I just felt like I needed to give my body an emotional break. Into the bathroom I went anticipating I would yet again be in tears leaving the bathroom with a negative test. I didn't look at it until I felt like I could emotionally handle the heart break. To my surprise it was positive! I thought the test was wrong, there was no way this could happen (our "Party of Three" post has more details). The few days following that positive test, we didn't talk about it much. I think we were both in shock and letting it all sink in.
Even though the test was positive, it didn't really sink in until....morning sickness. However, I had night time sickness. I didn't know that was a thing until 5:00pm hit and I was throwing up until I went to bed. So future reference for those planning to get pregnant you have the lovely chance of getting morning or night time sickness. Also, a lot of people say it goes away after your first trimester...I'm 17.5 weeks and I still wake up every once in a while in the middle of the night and throw up. I would just prepare for it being around a while, that way you can be pleasantly surprised when it does finally goes away. As weird as it sounds, it has actually been really nice to be sick. It was a reminder that this little babe was growing, that the female body is created perfectly, and life truly is a miracle.
These last few weeks I have noticed the most changes with my body. My skin suddenly loves to create zits, I am so tired I can't sleep enough, I run out of energy doing the most simple things, my patience has just disappeared, and I swear my tear ducts are broken which is not a normal thing. I have also been feeling the baby move. It is very subtle, but I always feel him when i'm sitting down. It is the smallest little flutter, but so comforting to know he is having a party in there. I can't until he is big enough when Chad can actually feel him move.
Until now I always had a dream of being a mom. Now that i'm pregnant, it is a reality. In six short months Chad and I will be parents to a little baby boy. It has been, and continues to be such a humbling experience. As he grows, I can't help but think what life will be like when he is finally here. I wonder what kind of a mom I will be. I wonder if I will be what he needs. I wonder if I can teach him in a loving way just right for his little personality. I wonder if I will be a "good mom". I can sit here and question my abilities all day long. Sometimes it scares me, but ultimately I know Chad will be the perfect dad for him, and I will be the perfect mom for him. We are not perfect people by any means, but we have been blessed with this sweet little boy for a reason. All three of us will learn, grow, and become the best family we know how to be.
It has been such a journey to get to where we are now, but we would not change a thing.
I hope because of this journey and sharing our story we have found some way to be...